Announcing the motion pictures that will make you experience THE SCHLOCKENINGPlease note: This is not the actual order in which the films will be shown at the festival. It is merely a listing of the film titles and other programming we intend to show. The actual schedule will be made later.
THE BRAINIAC
SUPERSONIC MAN
KING KUNG FU
VOYAGE INTO SPACE
And... We've still got at least one (possibly two) more movie slots yet to fill. We'll be announcing those shortly. But that's still not all! 50th
anniversary tributes to Roger Corman and Godzilla! And most importantly… THE MIDNIGHT MYSTERY MOVIE! And much much more... you'll just have to be there to find out! SEE YOU AT SCHLOCKTOBERFEST 2004: THE SCHLOCKENING! More fest info can be found in the (DUH!) FEST INFO section! * Line-up is subject to last minute change. |
Originally
scheduled for last year's event only to get bumped at the last minute
due to time constraints, THE BRAINIAC returns for 2004 and he's out
for revenge! An evil sorcerer condemned to death by the Mexican branch
of the Spanish Inquisition escapes his execution by magically hitching
a ride on a passing comet. The comet returns 300 years later along with
the vengeful warlock plotting revenge against the descendents of his
inquisitors, all of whom just happen to live within a several mile radius
of one another. And he does so by transforming into a hideous hairy
monster with a huge nose, pincers for hands, and a foot-long tongue
that can suck the brains out of his victims in a matter of seconds.
Bumbling cops investigate! Dumbfounded astronomers procrastinate! The
diabolical Brainiac schemes! And the ladies all scream! The trailer
for the film bills it as "the most horrifying movie of the century"
and we all know a movie trailer would never exaggerate now would it?
Prepare to witness one of the most loco monster movies ever to come
from South of the Border! Your eyes will bug out when you watch THE
BRAINIAC!
Ever
seen SLUGS or PIECES or ENDLESS DESCENT or CTHULU MANSION? Yes? No?
Well, surely you must be familiar with a movie that was immortalized
by Mystery Science Theater 3000 called POD PEOPLE? Yeah, the one with
Trumpy! They are all the work of one man. Director Juan Piquer Simon
is Spain's answer to Edward D. Wood Jr. and SUPERSONIC MAN is J.P. Simon's
1979 el cheapo attempt to capitalize on the success of the previous
year's release of SUPERMAN by shamelessly ripping it off with only 1/100th
the budget and 1/1000th the quality! An alien superhero is sent to planet
Earth to save us from a brilliant megalomaniacal supervillain plotting
to conquer mankind. Imagine Clark Kent if he looked like a 1970's European
porn star! Gaze upon Supersonic's dime store costume! Try to comprehend
why his mustache disappears whenever he transforms? Bad humor galore!
Bad dubbing galore! Bad Cassio keyboard scoring galore! Bad rear projection
flying effects galore! Toy helicopters! Toy buildings! Toy superhero!
Balsa wood bulldozer benchpressing! See an evil robot that looks like
it should be spinning around shooting sparks from its mouth! See Supersonic
Man transform a firearm into a banana! If you thought PUMA MAN was laughably
bad well then you ain't seen nothin' yet! May the forces of the galaxy
be with us! 
You
are either going to enjoy this movie or you are going to pray for the
sweet embrace of death itself! KING KUNG FU is a 1970's style screwball
comedy, KING KONG parody, chop sockey spoof, and a testament to the
great American city of Wichita, Kansas. After being sent packing for
beating up his master, a gorilla trained in the martial arts is banished
from China to America where he will be put on display for onlookers
to gawk at. Two wannabe reporters, the most 70's looking man you'll
ever see and a guy who appears to be the lovechild of WKRP's Les Nessman
and Super Mario, set out to make names for themselves only to end up
unleashing the karate kicking simian upon their fair city. What happens
next? Loonacy! Hijinks! Gags! Slapstick! Shenanigans! Tomfoolery! High
speed cinematography! Cheap stop-motion effects that would have made
Willis O'Brien want to jump off the Empire State Building! See a guy
in a cheap gorilla costume beat up an entire baseball team! Watch the
climactic recreation of KING KONG's climax but on top of the tallest
building in Wichita - the Holiday Inn! Is KING KUNG FU really the worst
movie ever made as most who've seen it say? Or is it just a misunderstood
family comedy, sorta like the BEETHOVEN movies but with a guy in a gorilla
suit tormenting a John Wayne impersonator? This movie went unreleased
for well over a decade so how bad could it possibly be? You'll get to
answer that question for yourself at Schlocktoberfest 2004!
If
I didn't know any better I'd swear this 1970 flick was just a bunch
of old Johnny Socko & His Flying Robot episodes chopped up and then
reedited into a feature length movie. One thing is for certain; this
film has it all. Giant flying robot! Super secret organizations! Hidden
lairs! Giant monster slapfighting! Evil squidhead alien tyrant! Super
gadget watches! Jet packs! Snazzy jumpsuits! Kids in business suits!
Insecure scientists! Fleeing Japanese citizens! Male bonding! Machine
gun-shooting Che Guevara look-a-likes! Groveling henchmen! Destro's
long lost uncle! Frankenstein's Hamburglar! Humongous train-swallowing
monster! Gargantuan extraterrestrial eyeball! Colossal killer doggy
squeeze toy! Stock footage! Repetitive score! Explosions galore! Microphones
aplenty! Video monitors on everything! Toy tanks! Toy boats! Action
figures falling to their death! Flying saucers! Mind control! Candy
cane colored missiles! Detonating fingernails! Child assassination!
What more could you possibly want in a motion picture? Besides continuity,
a coherent plot, and any semblance of logic whatsoever? You can't possibly
go wrong with a movie called VOYAGE INTO SPACE that has nothing to do
with voyaging into space!
