Starring Shan Holleman, Nelson Bonilla, Justin Greer, Tanya Fraser, Breanne Ashley

Directed by Allen Wilbanks

The fact that the characters in Motor Home Massacre were intentionally designed to fall into the too stupid too live category still doesn't excuse the film from being another dirt poor entry in the already impoverished slasher movie genre. See No Evil filled my quota for mindless retro slasher movie drivel this week so I'm afraid I don't have any more free passes to hand out at this time. That's bad news for Motor Home Massacre because it sure as hell doesn't have anything else going for it, not even the attempts at tongue-in-cheek humor that consistently fall flat. It certainly doesn't help matters that the actual slashing doesn't begin until an hour in, none of them are done with any flair whatsoever, and the slasher's identity and motivations turn out to be rubbish. This is one of those cases where you watch the making of featurette on the DVD and get the sense that while everyone involved had a blast making the film, virtually none of that entertainment value translated to the screen, nor did it have any chance to given the material everyone involved is saddled with.

A bunch of annoying morons paired off in a boy-girl couples take an old airstream motor home out to the not-so-scenic Black Creek Park for a romantic getaway in the woods. Alcohol is consumed, dope is smoked, insults are hurled, a little ass is tapped, and a killer on the loose has already slaughtered a camping couple. The young woman that had been camping with this couple but took off after not wanting to have a threesome with them has now arrived at our main characters' campsite to regale them with tales of her obsessive, possessive, and possibly sociopathic ex-boyfriend. Cue the disguised psychopath in the rain parka and night vision goggles to begin the obligatory slicing and dicing.

There really isn't a whole lot to say about this one. In lieu of a typical review I've decided to spice things up by presenting a 10 question quiz. There's no need for me to provide you with the correct answers. I believe you're smart enough to figure out the correct answers and that should tell you all you'll ever need to know about Motor Home Massacre.

Motor Home Massacre is about:
A) A masked maniac hiding within a motor home killing the people staying in it
B) A masked maniac that kills his victims by running them down with a motor home
C) A masked maniac that kills a bunch of young idiots on a weekend trip in a motor home
D) About 91 minutes too long

The style used by Motor Home Massacre's director could best be described as:
A) Paying homage to the teen slasher movies of the 1980s
B) An updating of 1970s grindhouse splatter films
C) A Scream-style slasher flick that pokes fun at slasher movie clichés
D) "Hey, everybody, I finally found the "on" switch! Let's make a movie! Wooo!"

Why does the box art for Motor Home Massacre depict a killer holding a chainsaw yet the killer in the actual movie only uses a machete?
A) When you think "massacre" you think "chainsaw"
B) Focus groups prefer chainsaws over long metal blades
C) You can make a constant "vroom" sound during the movie too pretend a chainsaw is being used
D) Lionsgate releasing a DTV horror movie with deceptively misleading box art? The hell you say!

The killer in Motor Home Massacre wears night vision goggles because:
A) It makes it easier to stalk victims at night
B) It makes the killer look cool
C) The killer suffers from an eye disorder known as night blindness
D) Beats me. Some of the night kills were obviously shot during the day with a blue filtered lens.

Which of the following phrases best sums up Motor Home Massacre's cast of characters?
A) A richly nuanced assortment of traditional horror movie archetypes
B) Multi-layered characters, each of which experiences their own personal story arc
C) A collection of fun personalities that play off of one another for comedic effect
D) Mouth breathers

The character named Lincoln is:
A) An Eminem wannabe deserving of his own spin-off film
B) The least convincing wigger ever
C) The person I would kill next after Jim Wynorski
D) B & C

Judging by the sound of the scary distorted voice we hear during her phone conversations with him, that potentially psychotic ex-boyfriend is actually:
A) One of the killers from Scream
B) Satan
C) Unicron
D) An obvious red herring

More of which of the following would have made Motor Home Massacre a better viewing experience:
A) More blood
B) More boobs
C) More thought put into the screenplay
D) More use of the fast forward button

How many dream sequences occur throughout Motor Home Massacre?
A) 1
B) 2
C) 3
D) Right now the director is saying, "Dammit! I knew there was a cliché I left out!"

The ending of Motor Home Massacre:
A) Wasn't nearly as clever as it thought it was
B) Really didn't make any sense whatsoever
C) Made me want to go punch kittens
D) All of the above

1/2 KNIVES